Nipple Jewelry Does Not Make You Cool

Life in PB is providing me with an abundance of pupils that are in dire need of some social/dating etiquette pointers. I hope this doesn't become an every day occurrence.

Dear I'm Too Cool For My Shirt on An Overcast Day Guy,

I will admit you did catch my attention immediately. The nipple studs you so proudly display nearly blinded me as they reflected in the afternoon sun. (Not knocking anyone's preference of body jemz. Just sayin.) My attention was instantly lost upon your execution of the the "upwards nod".

I know many guys out there rely on this extremely uncool and borderline lazy approach to grasping a female gaze.
Let's break it down:

You're across the bar/street/grocery store/Planned Parenthood waiting room and you see an attractive girl you would like to introduce yourself to. You can A. Keep making eye contact and hope that she comes over (I advise against this as it is a common female tactic and will probably backfire). B. Grow a pair and walk yourself up to the little lady while (hopefully) saying something worth listening to . or C. Stand there. Look cool. Eyes fixed. Point your chin upwards with the slightest of effort to show your interest.

If you chose:

A. Get over it and gain some confidence. I'm sure you're a swell dude. And even if you're not, hearing NO isn't the worst thing in the world.

B. For the love of peanut butter and jelly let's hope you said something respectable. Note: "You're beautiful. Let me take you sailing" is not acceptable.

C. Let me be honest. You just threw out one of the lamest attempts to meet someone, aside from sending "ur hawt" messages on MySpace. And, I'm sorry, but you're probably a tool and this has not lured me over by any means.

So, Mr. Nipple Stud Fella, I apologize if I pretended not to hear or see you. You're probably the kind of guy that would tell me I'd be honored to buy you a drink.

And it's after 5 o'clock in the middle of September. Please put your shirt back on.


Kind Regards,
The Girl Who Saved You Embarrassment By Shrouding My Eye Rolling Behind My Glasses

PS. "Ah come on!" doesn't work as a lady is walking away from your failed attempt.