Online "Dating"

Dear Online Dating Predator,

Ah, yes. The wonderful world of internet dating. You’ve taken it upon yourself to bypass the various websites that offer this dedicated service and go straight for the Myspace community. I will admit I was unaware people used the website for such purposes until my previous roommate brought in a seemingly endless parade of online would-be love interests from The Space. Even still, I have yet to run into an individual with such a profound passion of the game.

Your initial email, laced with four letter words and an underlying sense of desperation, made me question my notions to send a reply that politely declined your invitation to meet up and see if I’m “cool” enough to kick it. I decided it was in both of our best interests if I simply did not respond at all. After all, you did say I seemed down to Earth. I was unaware you can grasp that aspect of a personality through a picture, as my profile is private. But Myspace has this wonderful feature that allows you to see if the recipient has actually viewed your romantic notions. Alas, I was caught.

The second message received from you via interweb was something I cannot comprehend thinking, let alone having the mindset to send to another human being. The outline of your online dating woes was almost endearing. I possibly would have felt some sense of regret and compassion for not taking the time to respond the first time. However, upon reading this:

“ ive written you probably 3 times now you think you are too good for people on here or what? why the fuck do you even have an account if you arent going to write one of the most attractive guys in SD back? and no im not full of myself, im a pretty good looking blue eyed male.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Sir – REALLY? Your grammatical errors alone were enough to deter me from contacting you. You may very well be one of the most attractive men in San Diego, yet your pictures do not necessarily depict that. Your personality thus far obliterates the concept altogether. Reading about the explanation of how all girls in San Diego are the same – stuck up, conceited, trashy – leads me to believe that maybe it is your own fault that I’m one of the many girls who will not take it upon themselves to acknowledge you. There were many other facets of this message that completely baffled my brain. Most of them consisting of profanity and misspelled commonly used words.

Your final attempt is what ultimately prompted your addition to this series of blogs. Simply stating that I am shallow, conceited and a stuck up bitch for not responding really does not warrant any sort of response on my end other than a good laugh.

I do understand why you have to “email girls 3 or 4 times” to get a response. Perhaps it isn’t girls in San Diego that are the problem. I can safely assume that it is, in fact, you. I wish the best upon your internet dating endeavors and do sincerely hope you find that “down ass chick” to put up with your insane amounts of swearing and, for lack of a better word, bullshit. Happy hunting… I mean… searching! :D

Sincerely,
The Lady Who Is Apparently Just Like All The Others